I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
