i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
