the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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