you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So much Jack, so little girl.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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