hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
