Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
