Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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