I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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