I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
