Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
