I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Randomize
