her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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