Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
