Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you inspire me to be a worse person
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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