Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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