I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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