just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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