And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
