I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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