I'm going to jail i love you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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