I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
