cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
