Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize