His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
