Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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