I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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