did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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