i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
