I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
