I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
