Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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