I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
