I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize