My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
