Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
