it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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