True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
