I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
