I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
