I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
