He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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