Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
