Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
