Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
