why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
