woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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