Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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