I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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