She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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