OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize