direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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