That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
