Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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