It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
