I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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