Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
