Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
