I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
