there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
