have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
