First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
