Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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