Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think i have herpe
just one?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
