'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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