how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
