so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
