Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
