your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
