CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
