Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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