I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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