I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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