I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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