just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize