well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
