just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
